Every morning is an adventure when you start the day by extracting an unconscious cat from the toilet with a pair of barbecue tongs. Just follow the whimsical trail of lukewarm vomit plops trailing down the hallway and the eye-watering stank of drugstore knock-off Brut cologne. K DD is under the (mistaken) impression that if she douses herself with enough, it will mask the odor of cannabis steaming from her Coors Light-encrusted pelt.  Well I can guarantee she will suddenly not be so drowsy when she hears me open the fridge and then she will come tumbling in, waving the sopping toilet brush like a smiting wand, bellowing for chardonnay, which she refers to as “wet food”. Disgraceful.
K DD tends to glow under black light due to the unusually high concentration of bioluminescent fungi nestling in her filthy crevices. Use her for a bedside lamp because she’s a shitty valet. Three cheers for M OC!
Oh jeez! Don’t let K DD hear you say “good stuff” or she will be tapping at your window, nosing around for extra high proof moonshine. Like she doesn’t have her own stash! Greedy girl.
There is no greater evil than than that which resides under the toilet lid after one of K DD’s marathon “relaxation” sessions! Seriously, don’t look. Your eyes will turn into Cadbury Creme Eggs.
Eeee! It will take every fibre of my resolve not to spill the beans. I will be reciprocating in kind with a nice footbath of Jean Nate for Sparky in return. Classy! Smells like an airport lounge!
Gahoo! That is a hot toilet MESS, BS! Maybe we should set them up on a blind date and then secretly mock them from behind our menus. Eew never mind what if they start frenching? I would have to throw a breadstick.
You’ve got one too! K DD is attempting to stealthily follow you home so she can hide in the shrubbery and watch TV through your living room window. I had to revoke her privileges after she became enraged at Rachel Ray for “jacking her style” and hurled a frying pan at the cable box.
Oh HEEY HM12! Well that particular strain of “wet food” has become the entire bottom section of Kitty DrunkDrunk’s food pyramid so you can imagine the struggles of K DD’s personal “nutritionist”! Poor thing is always rushing out the door in tears.
Reblogged this on Someone Fat Happened and commented:
I don’t have blogging in me today but as always, Kitty Drunk Drunk lights up my day!
K DD tends to glow under black light due to the unusually high concentration of bioluminescent fungi nestling in her filthy crevices. Use her for a bedside lamp because she’s a shitty valet. Three cheers for M OC!
Ahaha! This is some good stuff. Glad Maggie sent me your way.
Oh jeez! Don’t let K DD hear you say “good stuff” or she will be tapping at your window, nosing around for extra high proof moonshine. Like she doesn’t have her own stash! Greedy girl.
hahaha!
The toilet lid looks like Domo’s evil cousin Dodo
There is no greater evil than than that which resides under the toilet lid after one of K DD’s marathon “relaxation” sessions! Seriously, don’t look. Your eyes will turn into Cadbury Creme Eggs.
now know what to get KDD for Ludachristmas – vat o’ Brut. shhhhhhh….don’t tell.
Eeee! It will take every fibre of my resolve not to spill the beans. I will be reciprocating in kind with a nice footbath of Jean Nate for Sparky in return. Classy! Smells like an airport lounge!
It must be so difficult to put up with such a rebel, lol.
It IS taxing, M! I wish I could just pack her off to juvie but they say her age is “indetermined”. My foot!
Hmmm, kitty penitentiary? Now there’s a thought – looking after/molding all the naughty kitties into upstanding (?) citizens…
Wet food sounds good to me! Which is what it is, really. That there’s good drunk logic.
Agreed, Mr. W! Sometimes K DD can be painfully inscrutable but she does have moments of pure wisdom. Okay, ONE moment so far, but still.
tell KDD that CK One is the best for masking that pesky weed smell. it’s far less astringent on your nose as well. silly KDD
Oh good one, Mr. B! Although she could probably use a little astringent on that shnoz of hers to kill off the teeming colonies of bacteria.
This sounds exactly like my roommates’ alcoholic boxer. Only she smells like Eau de Toilette. Literally.
Gahoo! That is a hot toilet MESS, BS! Maybe we should set them up on a blind date and then secretly mock them from behind our menus. Eew never mind what if they start frenching? I would have to throw a breadstick.
Just be glad she doesn’t wear Drakkar Noir.
Aieee! That IS an unimaginable horror, A! Just thinking about it is making me want to light up a clove cigarette and go buy a Nagel print.
Hilarious!!!!! You GOT me, now I’m a follower.
Muah!!!
Sooz
You’ve got one too! K DD is attempting to stealthily follow you home so she can hide in the shrubbery and watch TV through your living room window. I had to revoke her privileges after she became enraged at Rachel Ray for “jacking her style” and hurled a frying pan at the cable box.
You’re a funny cat.
Well K DD IS a little on the “funny” side. Funny “uh-oh”, that is.
Referring to wine as “wet food” hahaha!!
Oh HEEY HM12! Well that particular strain of “wet food” has become the entire bottom section of Kitty DrunkDrunk’s food pyramid so you can imagine the struggles of K DD’s personal “nutritionist”! Poor thing is always rushing out the door in tears.