Today I opened the bathroom cabinet to find that a shitfaced KDD had shoved out all of my toiletries. She said she was working on her “method acting” by reenacting the trash compactor scene from Star Wars but I suspect she just passed out in there thinking it was her old bunk from rehab. Apparently she’s decided to resurrect her community theatre “career” after getting PLOWED on wine spritzers at the sing-along piano bar. Now all she does is practice her appalling cockney accent just in case they decide to do “Oliver”. She still hasn’t figured out that being a groupie is not quite the same as being a cast member and keeps believing that her name is never in the program because of a typo. And P.S. most of her “method” involves pounding a liter of gin and drunkenly hollering show tunes into the corner of her litter box because she claims it has “marvelous acoustics”. Oh PLEASE. This coming from the cat who once did an ear-mangling rendition of “Like A Virgin” from inside a port-a-pottie because she was so wasted she thought it was a go-go cage.
Oh K DD gets into the spirits, alright. And the paint thinner, and the nail polish remover, and the rubbing alcohol, and the mouthwash….anything that will make her breath fumey-fresh!
Thanks A! It’s true that K DD DOES fancy herself quite the comedienne, although she hasn’t quite caught on that people are usually laughing at the yard- long fluttering toilet paper strip stuck to the underside of her tail.
But of course! Please sign the appropriate release forms/ personal safety waivers and send the little darlings on over! We’re about to have a nice game of Lawn Darts and then maybe poke around in the toaster with these metal forks.
Can you please make sure the metal forks are real metal and not some imitation alloy? Oh where do I have to sign? Here here and here? Okay kids, have fun – try not to gnaw on your hostess, okay?
And I can only begin to imagine how the show “CATS” would be altered by her inclusion in the cast!
Oh belieeeve me JW, she’s imagined it NUMEROUS times. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stumbled over a semi-conscious K DD on the stairs, preparing for her “Rum Tum Tugger” number by gulping tumblers of Bacardi 151.
I have to hear the aforementioned bellowing ALL THE TIME because she has made it her damn ring tone and she is usually all passed out and doesn’t answer her phone. Seriously, why do her stoner friends have to keep calling her over and over again at 3 in the morning?
A high compliment indeed, NatChat! K DD is trying her best to catch up to the revered Ms. Fisher’s alcoholic accomplishments. She even went through a disastrous phase of trying to “bun” her ears like Princess Leia. Which only led to tears.
Oh she’s got a ways to go yet hasn’t she?I don’t think you’ll have to worry until she does a stint in rehab and writes a novel called Postcards from the Litter Box.
Just keep Kitty Drunk Drunk and her bad habits away from my Winston! LOL!
Absolutely, MS! I have given her strict instructions to always leave room for the Holy Ghost when in Winston’s vicinity. That and the house arrest ankle bracelet oughta do it.
If you ask me (which you haven’t, but I’m going to answer anyway) that’s a camouflage attempt by aforementioned cat. That thing she’s in is her own personal exact, precise, intrinsic, notable, said, indeed colour. I say, what a fiendish brain she has.
Zounds! You’ve really cracked it now, Mr.W! I will now double check all mottled surfaces (pebbled driveways, casseroles, buttocks) to ensure that K DD has not merely blended effortlessly into the background.
Tell me about it! I had to get a Kevin Costner look-alike to coax her out by saying he was her “bodyguard” and then she insisted he carry her around the parking lot while she screeched the chorus of “I Will Always Love You” over and over like a lunatic.
I believe this task is well within K DD’s “skill set”. Ejecting enormous gouts of waste from any and all available orifices is an activity that K DD not only excels at, but also enjoys. Let the questionable fluids flow like nectar!
AnElephantCant tolerate any longer
This criticism of Kitty DrunkDrunk
Just cause she’s passed out
That doesn’t make her a lout
So give her space or get a whack from this trunk
As a tribute, AnElephant has written a new song about Kitty.
Please join in when you learn the words.
K DD! K DD! KDD!
K DD! K DD! KDD!
K DD! K DD! KDD!
K DD! K DD!
Bwaha! By jove, you’ve done it again, A E C! Seeing as how “Sober” and “Dead” are the same thing in the K DD lexicon I’m hoping for the 45 version rather than the extended dance mix of this marvelous and complex little ditty.
Because I find Kitty Drunk Drunk both inspiring and lovely, I have nominated this blog for the Inspiring Blog and One Lovely Blog awards. Here: http://wp.me/p1jL9y-i9. You can pass the torch by giving me a shout-out, then stating 7 facts about yourself and nominating 15 bloggers whom you find inspiring or lovely. Or just skip it and post whatever you’d like.
It’s official. You have the coolest blog on the internet. You are creative and witty and I love that it’s all about your cat. Way to go, you have now given me a reason to spend even more time on the internet haha. looking forward to all that you share.
Always wondered if kitties got into the spirit…now I know..You go Kitty..No shame No gain
Oh K DD gets into the spirits, alright. And the paint thinner, and the nail polish remover, and the rubbing alcohol, and the mouthwash….anything that will make her breath fumey-fresh!
Lord, these posts are funny as hell.
Thanks A! It’s true that K DD DOES fancy herself quite the comedienne, although she hasn’t quite caught on that people are usually laughing at the yard- long fluttering toilet paper strip stuck to the underside of her tail.
Bwohahaha! *almost fell of my chair laughing* KDD is definitely a keeper
Can I send my kitties to play?
But of course! Please sign the appropriate release forms/ personal safety waivers and send the little darlings on over! We’re about to have a nice game of Lawn Darts and then maybe poke around in the toaster with these metal forks.
Can you please make sure the metal forks are real metal and not some imitation alloy? Oh where do I have to sign? Here here and here? Okay kids, have fun – try not to gnaw on your hostess, okay?
And I can only begin to imagine how the show “CATS” would be altered by her inclusion in the cast!
Oh belieeeve me JW, she’s imagined it NUMEROUS times. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve stumbled over a semi-conscious K DD on the stairs, preparing for her “Rum Tum Tugger” number by gulping tumblers of Bacardi 151.
I can almost hear her bellowing “Sons of Scotland! I AM William Wallace…”
I have to hear the aforementioned bellowing ALL THE TIME because she has made it her damn ring tone and she is usually all passed out and doesn’t answer her phone. Seriously, why do her stoner friends have to keep calling her over and over again at 3 in the morning?
Because she’s William Wallace?
KDD is my new drinking hero. She’s the Carrie Fisher of the feline world.
A high compliment indeed, NatChat! K DD is trying her best to catch up to the revered Ms. Fisher’s alcoholic accomplishments. She even went through a disastrous phase of trying to “bun” her ears like Princess Leia. Which only led to tears.
Oh she’s got a ways to go yet hasn’t she?I don’t think you’ll have to worry until she does a stint in rehab and writes a novel called Postcards from the Litter Box.
Just keep Kitty Drunk Drunk and her bad habits away from my Winston! LOL!
Absolutely, MS! I have given her strict instructions to always leave room for the Holy Ghost when in Winston’s vicinity. That and the house arrest ankle bracelet oughta do it.
Damn cat!
She is a menace, EB! Get out the poking branch!
Is that the only weapon capable of defeating it?
If you ask me (which you haven’t, but I’m going to answer anyway) that’s a camouflage attempt by aforementioned cat. That thing she’s in is her own personal exact, precise, intrinsic, notable, said, indeed colour. I say, what a fiendish brain she has.
Zounds! You’ve really cracked it now, Mr.W! I will now double check all mottled surfaces (pebbled driveways, casseroles, buttocks) to ensure that K DD has not merely blended effortlessly into the background.
litter box acoustics are fucking all the rage, and we all know KDD learnt from Reed and O’Toole, she’s a class act man. And fucking funny.
She does play a mean didgeridoo! Always with her pinky raised though, ‘cuz she’s a LAAADY.
will never be able to look at a porta-potty in the same way again. that goil really knows how to live.
Tell me about it! I had to get a Kevin Costner look-alike to coax her out by saying he was her “bodyguard” and then she insisted he carry her around the parking lot while she screeched the chorus of “I Will Always Love You” over and over like a lunatic.
a true star wars re-enactment would require her to be waist deep in questionable fluids
a feat i am convinced she could accomplish
I believe this task is well within K DD’s “skill set”. Ejecting enormous gouts of waste from any and all available orifices is an activity that K DD not only excels at, but also enjoys. Let the questionable fluids flow like nectar!
AnElephantCant tolerate any longer
This criticism of Kitty DrunkDrunk
Just cause she’s passed out
That doesn’t make her a lout
So give her space or get a whack from this trunk
As a tribute, AnElephant has written a new song about Kitty.
Please join in when you learn the words.
K DD! K DD! KDD!
K DD! K DD! KDD!
K DD! K DD! KDD!
K DD! K DD!
(Repeat until sober or dead)
Bwaha! By jove, you’ve done it again, A E C! Seeing as how “Sober” and “Dead” are the same thing in the K DD lexicon I’m hoping for the 45 version rather than the extended dance mix of this marvelous and complex little ditty.
Kitty, I nominated you for The Beautiful Blogger Award
http://swittersb.wordpress.com/2012/09/02/ss/
If that pesky human can help you with the requirements have fun. If you are too busy, I will understand.
Gary (SwittersB)
Zowie, merci! Let me peel the old gal off the linoleum and we will get crackin’! Maybe with actual crack!
Because I find Kitty Drunk Drunk both inspiring and lovely, I have nominated this blog for the Inspiring Blog and One Lovely Blog awards. Here: http://wp.me/p1jL9y-i9. You can pass the torch by giving me a shout-out, then stating 7 facts about yourself and nominating 15 bloggers whom you find inspiring or lovely. Or just skip it and post whatever you’d like.
Oh cool thanks U B! We’ll get down on it as soon as I pry these little sneaker skates off of K DD!
It’s official. You have the coolest blog on the internet. You are creative and witty and I love that it’s all about your cat. Way to go, you have now given me a reason to spend even more time on the internet haha. looking forward to all that you share.
High dewclaw from K DD, thanks! Just duck if a blob of gin flies off her paw!
hahahahaha tell me about it! XD
Oh don’t you worry, Io Ag! K DD’s has a generous backlog of horrifying anecdotes.
I am obsessed with K DD now. Love her!
Ahoy HM 12! K DD is similarly enchanted! And by enchanted, I mean “all drunk passed out on the cheese board again” But still.